I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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