My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
