i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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