I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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