I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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