it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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