Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
