Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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