It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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