we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
