im about as happy as oj after his trial
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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