wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
