38 yer olds are good kisserssss
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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