were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
