i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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