He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
