Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
