i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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