Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
