After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
