his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You ruined the universe
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