apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
