you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
