I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
