I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
