Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
