these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
