Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
