Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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