Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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