just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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