hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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