he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
