none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
