I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
