I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think your dad took our porno
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
