I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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