im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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