then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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