So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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