how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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