Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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