He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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