More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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