Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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