I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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