I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
