i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
