Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
