Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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