dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
