Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Randomize
