Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
