Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
