oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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