Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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