The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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