I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
