I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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