I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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