stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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