there's paper in my vomit.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
