u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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