it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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