I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i now understand why vodka
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
