I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
