Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
